Jeremy Clarkson Is the Judas Iscariot of Motorcycling
Jeremy Clarkson is, at least in my estimation, the one man in the world willing to voice both the truth – and the undiluted drivel – associated with talking about motorcycles. His impeachment of motorcycling has caused him, for better or worse depending on your point of view, to be driven from his place near the right hand of Hunter S. Thompson at the table, and all for his thirty pieces of silver from the Italian automakers.
Clarkson stands atop the motoring entertainment hill, and the kingdom is his for the taking, and yet his vision is so thoroughly flawed as to make him a tragic figure.
Here’s the rub: Clarkson, a man devoted to preaching the Gospel of Speed, has committed an unpardonable sin against all that is good and right about going fast – he has excluded the one true paragon of velocity with a purpose, the motorcycle, from his liturgy.
And for that, he shall be cast down, and thus it is written: let no biker allow Clarkson to pass without professing his incorrectness to the world and bowing down in supplication to the one true way, the way of the motorcycle…
“Some parents say drugs are the biggest threat to youngsters. I disagree. Every weekend, everyone under 25 takes crack, smack and E and very few are harmed. Bikes are far more dangerous.”
– Jeremy Clarkson
“If you use only the front brake, you will fly over the steering wheel and be killed. If you try to use the back one, you will use the wrong foot and change into third gear instead of stopping. So you’ll hit the obstacle you were trying to avoid, and you’ll be killed.
Then there is the steering. The steering wheel comes in the shape of what can only be described as handlebars, but if you turn them — even slightly — while riding along, you will fall off and be killed. What you have to do is lean into the corner, fix your gaze on the course you wish to follow, and then you will fall off and be killed.
As far as the minor controls are concerned, well . . . you get a horn and lights and indicators, all of which are operated by various switches and buttons on the steering wheel, but if you look down to see which one does what, a truck will hit you and you will be killed. Oh, and for some extraordinary reason, the indicators do not self-cancel, which means you will drive with one of them on permanently, which will lead following traffic to think you are turning right. It will then undertake just as you turn left, and you will be killed.
What I’m trying to say here is that, yes, bikes and cars are both forms of transport, but they have nothing in common. Imagining that you can ride a bike because you can drive a car is like imagining you can swallow-dive off a 90ft cliff because you can play table tennis.”
– Jeremy Clarkson
“When was the last time you just got up and went for a drive? Not to anywhere not for anything, just to drive. You see, motorcyclists do it all the time, so why don’t human beings?”
– Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear
And now, the gospel according to the Sausage Creature
“A Café Racer will ride all night through a fog storm in freeway traffic to put himself into what somebody told him was the ugliest and tightest decreasing-radius turn since Genghis Khan invented the corkscrew.”
– Hunter S. Thompson
Jeremy Clarkson Harley Destruction
Jeremy Clarkson in Vietnam
Jeremy Clarkson on a Honda Dream 100
Honda Dream 100 Specs
|Type||4-Stroke SOHC (2Valve)|
|Starting System||Electric & Primary Kick|
|Gearshift Pattern||4-Speed Rotary|
|Fuel Tank Capacity(ℓ)||3.7|
|Front Suspension||Telescopic. oil damped|
|Rear Suspension||Telescopic. oil damped|
|Front Brake||Internal Expanding|
|Rear Brake||Internal Expanding|
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